no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We left an ass print on the piano.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
