I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
