Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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