he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
