I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
