im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
