I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
