I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
