dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
