you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
