i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
