Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
