I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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