I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
