You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
