Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
