I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just want to make out with him forever
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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