he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
