I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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