You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
