its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
