HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
