im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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