My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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