Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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