we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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