it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
