I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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