Porn is love you can see.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
