OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
