Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
