dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
