I'm jealous of your bromance
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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