We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
smell my finger.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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