how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
