You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
