Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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