the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
