I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
