dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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