is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
