I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
