i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Semen is not good for contacts.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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