I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
