This is not my ceiling
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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