...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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