if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
