I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
