apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
