wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
